requires learning to how to, concomitantly, love and hurt, but never to harm,
Developmentally, the original inputs for intimacy
are always from the “outside-in”.
Attentive parents give as much love
and affection as they have to give and baby takes it all in as if it was
The growing child quickly discovers that, attached to
this relational equation, multiple “conditions of worth” exist which
must be satisfied by “good” behavior if the emotional “goodies” are to
Soon, the youngster begins to internalize
love and affection as an “inside-in” experience and eventually becomes
more competent to provide what is needed exclusively for self.
there remains a very crucial, final step to the process of mature
emotional exchange, vis-à-vis, gifting from the “inside-out”. At
this presumed psychological and social juncture, what one gives is more
important than what one gets.
In the spirit of “loving with open arms”
and “no strings attached”, intimacy rules!
“Conditions of worth”
are translated into committed personal goals in service of “good form”
so that what really matters is the emerging and evolving meaning,
purpose, value and quality of every relationship, with self and also
Interestingly, the word is never written
or spoken as “outimacy” because no one ever wants to be “out”, but
almost always, “in”.
“Intimacy” makes it possible for a person to gift
self-to-self and self-to other by “loving with open arms” and “no
Northern Illinois Counseling Associates, P.C. (NICA)
can help you learn why and how intimacy rules!
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