|
Growth occurs through the successful
resolution of conflict. In the absence of conflict, there is no
growth. Healthy conflict evolves and emerges from the friction
requisite to spark a vibrant and dynamic relationship.
The “rub” comes from the fact that
two people who are each “right” from their subjective frame of
reference. Both have needs, wants and requirements which must be met
and/or addressed consistently in ways which are meaningful, relevant and
useful to each one of them.
No one can make another person happy;
however, everyone can satisfy someone, at least some of the time, by
fulfilling expectations at the unit of relevance of the other person,
again, at least some of the time.
Conflict provides a staging for
expectancies to be communicated. Conflict also provides a barometer as
to how well, or how poorly, those expectancies are being met and/or
addressed.
In unhealthy conflict, someone wins
and someone loses. Losers have an historical habit of engaging in
revenge and retaliation. Today’s loser is tomorrow’s winner. Today’s
winner is tomorrow’s loser. In this system, a cyclic pattern results in
people trying, and succeeding in, hurting, if not altogether harming,
one another.
In healthy conflict, no one wins
because no one loses! Both parties know that if something is not good
for one of them, then it is not good for all of them. In this system, a
cyclic pattern results in people trying, and succeeding in, respecting
one another.
Out of respect, grows trust. And with
trust, an important relational building block becomes a marital
foundation stone. Without a solid foundation, nothing of enduring
substance can be built.
Growth occurs through the successful
resolution of conflict,
…but only when “conflict is healthy”.
Back to Top |
