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Very few people in
this world are born with a “silver spoon” in their mouth. Consequently,
if you aren’t given what you want, then you must earn it.
Self-disclosure and
empathy are the “points” you must earn which give you the privilege to
constructively confront another person in the here-and-now. By
demonstrating self-disclosure, you are risking saying what you mean and
meaning what you say. By demonstrating empathy you show that you have
listened to, heard and respectfully understood what was said by directly
communicating your understanding to the speaker.
It is very important
that your self-disclosure be genuine. Try not to say things you don’t
mean. Try not to be phony. Just be yourself. The purpose of
confrontation is to facilitate meaningful dialogue in an atmosphere of
mutual respect and concern for the other person. It is crucial that the
confronter be concrete in their encounter and not insist on being
satisfied only with the conveyance of a brilliant, soliloquy.
In addition, the
confronter should focus on helping, not hurting, the confrontee. While
honesty is important the confronter might do well to recognize that
“discretion is the better part of valor”. In other words, a little tact
goes a long way, especially in exploring sensitive issues.
Lastly, the confrontee
should attempt to listen non-defensively to criticism which, hopefully,
will be constructive for them.
Remember that growth
is possible only through the successful resolution of conflict.
Conflict implies risk and risk suggests the mutual exchange of
vulnerabilities.
Your rate of progress
will depend on the risk you are willing to take in your interactions
with others, as well as the risk you are willing to take with yourself.
It is your choice. It is also your action.
These are some of the
most important “ground rules for confrontation”. Learn them well!
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