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People rarely forget
anything, especially if the experience was meaningful, relevant or
otherwise significant. So if someone important to you performs
even a teeny, tiny kindness, it is very likely you will remember.
Alternatively, if harm
is committed by another, even accidentally or without deliberate intent,
it is ever more likely you will never forget.
People rarely forget
anything, especially if the experience was really experienced. If you
don’t believe me, then just try not to listen to the sound of thunder
during a severe storm. Or the roar of jet engines high in the sky. Or
the gentle patter of little feet walking across an uncarpeted floor.
Some experience is
almost impossible to ignore. And trying to pretend it away makes it
even more impossible to ignore. For example, try not to think of the
big toe on your right foot. Or the beating of your heart. Or the color
purple.
Every action we make,
rings a bell. If the bell is negative, the sound is noxious and the
result is painful. If the bell is positive, the sound is stimulating
and the result is pleasurable.
Interestingly, you
can’t unring a rung bell! Once rung, it’s rung. Before it’s rung, it’s
unrung. For each and every interaction we have with another, whether by
design or default, either we ring a bell or we don’t.
If the bell we ring is
threatening, unpredictable, accusatory, demeaning, hostile,
disrespectful, critical, irresponsible or reactive, then we’ve rung one
bell. Again, if the bell we ring is inviting, predictable, laudatory,
encouraging, friendly, respectful, complimentary, responsible or
responsive, then we’ve rung a different bell.
Over the life of a
marriage, there will be lots of bells rung, some positive and some
negative.
Most we will remember,
few we will forget. Consequently, it will be very important to choose
wisely and well, how we “ring a bell”, to increase the likelihood of
what particular rung bell we will want remembered.
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